It was a rather dull monday nite wen a young gentleman, in his early 20's, found himself on a journey to the party lands of hartamas. as he got down from his elegant black transportation, it was clear how unsure he was abt the idea of going to a party where he wud not noe who wud turn up. well he only went juz to meet sum old frens but then again, the party soon b dominated by a bunch of unknowns.

as the nite progressed he found himself indulging in neva ending conversations regarding studies and universities with the members of the party. at this point, he was sitting on a bench with his old fren hvin a usual chat wen suddenly a girl walks on by;

Girl: hey...which one of ur laps do i sit on eh?
Me: ermmm?
Fren1: hehehe..
Girl: k i'll on urs hehe (fren1)
Fren1: eh ur bf will kill me la..
Girl: nahhh he wont..

then the BF comes along with a slice of pizza on his plate

Fren1: bro i dunno ah, she juz came n sat on my lap k. i had nothing to do with this
BF: alaa...so wat, it's juz u man...among frens, i guess it ok *smile*
Fren1: wah! damn nice la u...eh hungry la...i wanna go get another slice of pizza, but lazy la..
BF: here take mine
Fren1: whoa...damn gud fren la u
Me: dude, not oni he lets his gf sit on ur lap, but he even gives u his slice of pizza...haha...tat's not a gud fren, tat's god!
Fren1 & Girl: hahahah!

n suddenly a guy from the party makes a rather impromptu annoucement;

GUY: ok ppl attention, those who want to drink pls make ur way outside, those who don plan to drink, stay where u r.
BF: oi! wat kind of discrimanation is tat ahh?? hahaha

soon he found himself in a smaller group of ppl who apparently don drink.

Me: soo...u don drink huh?
Girl2: hell yea i do.
Me: wa?
Girl2: i'm juz the freakin driver tonite, so yea i hv to b freaking sober..sigh..
Me: haha..okayyy...so i'm guessing the rest r on the same boat as well?
Girl2: u bet! so r u rite?
Me: me? nahhh i don drink...
Girl2: but..but...arent u indian?..
Me: ermm yes.. tat is very true, i bliff tat can concluded from the amount of hair i hv growing on my arms n legs.
Girl2: haha! well it's very rare to c indian guys tat don drink...like they say, ur not indian if u don drink.
Me: hahaha i dunno abt tat but if u don hv a wife at the age of 26 and ur not an able user of the computer, then ur not an indian. hahahah
Girl2: hahaha u 4got abt the mother in law
Me: ohh u mean monster in law rite?
Girl2: hahahaha...so r u indian then?
Me: very much so ;)

a VICKSAMA ORIGINAL

this post is a special tribute to Dennis Ng 1987-2002, a gud fren, brother, n of course, GOD.

Dreams,

Nothing but an image plyed which we have in our minds

a solitude from the outside world...

a saviour from the constitution of hell brought upon the human mind

Dreams,

revealing its splendar with flashes of rainbows that collide,

giving rise to our colourful imaginations,

a rather unique state of mind.

Dreams,

like mirror images screaming blur, if defies us as ppl with capacity of the modern

mentally, a mentally that we carry on towards our demise.

A VICKSAMA ORIGINAL

An indian family is having a typical friday nite discussion over dinner in a place called home. when suddenly the eldest son, Raj utters sumtin tat suprised the whole family;

Raj: mum, i think...it's abt time i get married..

Mum:... i told u to get married to tat Priya girl u were dating sumtime back, will u ever listen to me, of course not.... u had to dump her n say her teeth was an issue.

Raj: mum come on, i'm a grown man, i noe wat's best for me. Hv sum faith in me wil u?

Mum: huh..y don i get u arranged to sum of the lovely girls we hv in our indian community, wudn't tat b just pleasant? n pls don say no to tis like the last time.

Raj: hmmmm....

Mum: not bad, ur actually thinkin abt it.

Dad: Sonia, juz leave him alone...

Mum: no dear, my son is a grown man. so it's best i get him married to a nice traditional indian girl in the community.

Youngest son, Desh: okay ms contradiction.

Raj: hahah!

Mum: Is that the way u speak to ur mother Desh?? now u shut up n eat ur chappatti like ur supposed to, put down the fork n eat with ur hands! n Raj, hv u tot abt it?

Raj: hmm...but i need to noe sumtin..

Mum: anything son, ask away, there's so much to noe abt these indian girls i say.

Raj: how is the current chick market in the community anyways?

Desh: it's currently undergoing inflation...

Mum: Desh!.. nonsense, there r lot of beautiful girls within ur age group. tat's y i always ask u to come for those gatherings, so tat u cud fish ard n mayb catch a bite *wink*

Desh: yea,gud fish too!

Mum: y yes, thnk u Desh for agreeing with me..

Desh: yea cuz normal fish, u hv to deep fry them, but THESE fishes r already deep fried for u bro!

Mum: DESH!!!!! one more word from u n ur grounded for a week...make tat two!

Desh: *chews on food coolly*

Raj: well mum, i dunno, life is so uncertain..

Mum: Raju my dear, once u get married everythin will b fine..

Desh: bro, wen a woman gets married, she'll stop worrying, but wen a man gets married, he'll START worrying.

Dad bursts out laughin. Mum starts glaring at dad, dad noes he's not getting for a week. sighhh...

Mum: tat's it!! DESH, GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEEKS.

Raj: hahaha! mum it's ok, he's juz a kid... so if i get married, i'll hv to look for a new employer then...any suggestions?

Desh: how abt....mother in law? hehehe y not? afterall, she pays well (dowri)

Raj:LOL!

Mum:.... so i'm guessing u'll b marrying outside the community the desh?

Desh: wat makes u think i'm not married, mum?

Mum: WAT ON EARTH??!!

Desh: jus kiddin *smiles* lighten up mum, afterall, life is journey, n it's neva always abt settling down n earning well.. it's abt us being happy, as a family.... i love u mum..

Mum: aww... Desh..i love u too, tat was so mature of u dear.

Desh: thks mum, so m i stil grounded?

Mum: yes

Desh: DAMNIT!

Mum: wat language! 3 WEEKS!

a whole lot more of rubbish coming ur way, so keep reading ;)
A VICKSAMA ORIGINAL

well this r sum situations u hope u neva get urself into on ur 1st day of ur undergraduate studies;

Situation 1:
Guy1: hi, my name is natanael, wat's urs?
Guy2: hey there, nice to meet u, i'm ryan..btw u hv any idea where the lecturer is? tat asshole is 15mins late

then a rather short, geeky looking figure walks past these gentlemen.

guy2: ahhh there he is, finally! i'm growing a beard here!

but then the geeky looking person finds himself sitting with the students. suddenly natanael walks up to the hall;

Guy1: alrite, now tat everybody's here, let's start the lesson. ryan cud u run along and get my pen i left on the other side of the campus?
Guy2: .......

Situation 2:
Dude1: duuudeee...check out the assets on tat chick mann... she's so hot man, think i stand a chance?
Dude2: well she's married man, i don think so.
Dude1: wtf man, how do u noe?
Dude2: cuz she's my mum.

Situation 3:
macha 1: dei macha, which class we hvin later at 2pm?
macha 2: err engineering industries dei...
macha 1: ohh, who's teaching ah?
macha 2: Dr Khoo
macha 1: ohhh muz i go ah? izit important?
macha 2: no la dei, no need. tat's y u ONLY paid 34000 dollars a yr to study wat.
macha 1:....

Situation 4:
Lecturer: u there! where do u think ur going?
Student: skipping ur class sir
Lecturer: excuse me? n y's tat?
Student: cuz i wanna study in the library.
Lecturer:......

Situation 5:
a guy who sits in the back row passes a note to a girl sitting in the front row tat says; "hi i'm danny, n u r?"

the girl write a reply saying "hey, i'm jenny, where u from?"

the guys replies "the back row"

wow...seems like lecture halls r so big tat the back row's a country by itself.

Situation 6:
guy1: hey man, i've been sleeping so well ever since uni started
guy2: huh? u crazy? i've been lacking sleep, how izit tat ur getting enuf sleep??
guy1: well, the lecturer's hv been so helpful
guy2: lecturers? huh?
guy1: yea, their classes r so boring i easily sleep the whole morning and afternoon.

Situation 7:
the lecturer is passing out his handouts for the lecture

student: sir, i don understand the questions u hv juz given us. can u explain?
lecturer: it's the answer sheet u idiot. i hvn't passed out the questions yet.

these r sum jokes tat wud probably make u go WTF? lol..enjoy

number 1:
Two mosquitoes were riding on their bikes, in super fast speed wen suddenly one of them stopped. as soon as the other mosquito noticed, it stopped too, and asked, "hey y did u stop?"

the other mosquito replied, "sorry, a fly went into my eye"

number 2:
a father comes into the doctor's office with his son

Father: doc, my son has a pen stuck up his nose, what shud i do?
Doc: use a pencil.

number 3:
a dumb ass who's stuck in prison finally has the chance to escape, by jumpin over 100 fences, so he started by jumping the 1st fence, the 2nd until the 99th. tat's wen he said "oh i'm so fed up, think i'll juz go back"

number 4:
10 black men r dying of thirst, wen they finally find a bottle in the dessert. once they open the bottle, it released a genie.
so bein grateful for being released, the genie granted one wish to each of them. so the 1st guy wished tat he was white, so did the 2nd n 3rd n so on, until the last guy, where he wished the genie wud turn all of them back to black...

These r sum situations tat u cud possibly hv experienced in ur daily lives... well not really but y not? afterall it is in fact rubbish :D

Situation 1:
Two young gentlemen r hving a conversation in the subway train below city ground level;

GUY1: Dei macha, ur phone got coverage ah?
GUY2: Yea...y dei?
GUY1: Haiyoo, my phone got no coverage laaaaa...
GUY2: Which network u using?
GUY1: celcom laaa... widest coverage my foot!
GUY2: machaa...don curse them, they r rite.
GUY1: huh?
GUY2: yea wat, widest coverage but not deepest coverage rite?

Situation 2:
A my fren of mine from overseas came down to spend his holidays in this country. well it is his 1st time, so many things tat happen here r really new to him. So there's this time when we passed by a sun newspaper stand, ppl tat juz walked on by, kept grabbing a copy. so he asked me\

Fren: y arent they paying for the papers they took?
Me: well it's free man...so y not

so yes. juz wen i tot i had tat doubt cleared sumtin else happened. the next day we passed by the same exact stand, no newspaper copies but there was a (HOT)white lady tourist tat was sitting on the stand, obviously cuz there were no seats n she din wanna sit on the floor. wen my fren saw her, he asked;

Fren: hey can i take her? afterall, like u said, it's free?
Me:.....

Situation 3:
2 frens discuss abt another fren's smokin habit;

Fren1: dei i think ah, i noe wat to get u for ur bday gift la.
Fren2: wat la macha?
Fren1: lighter laa...hv u seen urself smoke? ur a freaking chimney la!
Fren2: hahah! dei...give me anything tat can start a fire oso i'll happy la, anything to lite up a ciggerrate man.
Fren1: dei if i give two stones oso u'll b happy la!

Situation 4:
Advice on looking young always; Smoke; well yea smoking makes u look young, cuz u die young from the impacts. hehe.

Situation 5:
two frens hving a conversation abt their past rships;

Macha1: dei after hvin been tru a lot in rships, the best is to b single laaa
Macha2: hmm..ok la dei, but how many rships hv u been in anyways?
Macha1: how many ah? dei...lost count edi la deiii..
Macha2: hahah...lost count or u din learn the number ZERO in kindergarten? hehehe!

Situations 6:
3 guys hv juz started their holidays, n here they r plannin it out;

GUY1: dei now tat it's our holidays, let's call out sum chicks la dei. wat say u?
GUY2: yea man!
GUY3: dei, as it is on normal days we cant get girls, as tho holidays we gonna get laa...

if u can relate, gud for u...but if u cant, ur probably juz lying to urself ;)

this r sum moments where u probably wish u din open ur mouth.

Situation 1;
a young lady by the bar sits on her own, a rather attractive specimen. so a guy walks into the bar n notices her.(DUH). he walks up to her;

LADY: Yes may i help u?
GUY: Wat's ur name doll?
LADY: Sarah
GUY: nice to meet u sarah, my name is Fred Flinstone n i'd like to make ur BEDROCK.

SLAP!

guys walks away ashamed of himself

Situation 2;
a newly transfered student(from a boys skul) juz joined a class in a coed skul. tis is juz one of the few reasons y dudes from boys skuls don fit in well in a coed skul;

TEACHER: alrite class, b4 we begin, wud u like to share anythin? mayb a joke or two?
NEW KID: -raises hand-
TEACHER: jeremy, u'd like to share a joke, with the class?
NEW KID: yes ma'am, What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?

a brief silence swept the floor

TEACHER: hmm i dunno jeremy, wat's the answer? -smiles-
NEW KID:When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it is SHOWTIME!
TEACHER:....
TEACHER: jeremy, principal's office now!

din jeremy wish he juz SHUT UP?? lol.

Situation 3;
a joke u definately don wanna share wen ur in a union of wifes; tell tat to this lesbian lady;

LESBIAN: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
UNION: we dunno, wat?
LESBIAN: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.

DAMN!

Situation 4;
one bad advice a dad cud give son wen it's abt sex;

DAD: son i dunno y ur so excited abt tis subject really, i mean sex is like shaving.
SON: huh? wat? y is sex like shaving?
DAD: Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

dad..u juz made him even more horny..sighhh

Situation 5;
a government surveyor was assigned to test teenagers today on their general knowledge. however, most tests hv returned back with failed results. once tis test fails, the surveyor wud ask easier questions. for example, if he says a characteristic like smart, teenagers tested muz say the name of a politician tat comes to mind

SURVEYOR: so wat comes to mind wen i say "clueless"?
TEENAGER: PARLIMENT.

ouch!

Situation 6;
u noe wat's the most noble job on earth now? doc? soldier? nahhh... prostitutes la wei..

a married man saw this signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

tis women shud b politicians la! LOL

A VICKSAMA ORIGINAL