well this r sum situations u hope u neva get urself into on ur 1st day of ur undergraduate studies;

Situation 1:
Guy1: hi, my name is natanael, wat's urs?
Guy2: hey there, nice to meet u, i'm ryan..btw u hv any idea where the lecturer is? tat asshole is 15mins late

then a rather short, geeky looking figure walks past these gentlemen.

guy2: ahhh there he is, finally! i'm growing a beard here!

but then the geeky looking person finds himself sitting with the students. suddenly natanael walks up to the hall;

Guy1: alrite, now tat everybody's here, let's start the lesson. ryan cud u run along and get my pen i left on the other side of the campus?
Guy2: .......

Situation 2:
Dude1: duuudeee...check out the assets on tat chick mann... she's so hot man, think i stand a chance?
Dude2: well she's married man, i don think so.
Dude1: wtf man, how do u noe?
Dude2: cuz she's my mum.

Situation 3:
macha 1: dei macha, which class we hvin later at 2pm?
macha 2: err engineering industries dei...
macha 1: ohh, who's teaching ah?
macha 2: Dr Khoo
macha 1: ohhh muz i go ah? izit important?
macha 2: no la dei, no need. tat's y u ONLY paid 34000 dollars a yr to study wat.
macha 1:....

Situation 4:
Lecturer: u there! where do u think ur going?
Student: skipping ur class sir
Lecturer: excuse me? n y's tat?
Student: cuz i wanna study in the library.
Lecturer:......

Situation 5:
a guy who sits in the back row passes a note to a girl sitting in the front row tat says; "hi i'm danny, n u r?"

the girl write a reply saying "hey, i'm jenny, where u from?"

the guys replies "the back row"

wow...seems like lecture halls r so big tat the back row's a country by itself.

Situation 6:
guy1: hey man, i've been sleeping so well ever since uni started
guy2: huh? u crazy? i've been lacking sleep, how izit tat ur getting enuf sleep??
guy1: well, the lecturer's hv been so helpful
guy2: lecturers? huh?
guy1: yea, their classes r so boring i easily sleep the whole morning and afternoon.

Situation 7:
the lecturer is passing out his handouts for the lecture

student: sir, i don understand the questions u hv juz given us. can u explain?
lecturer: it's the answer sheet u idiot. i hvn't passed out the questions yet.

these r sum jokes tat wud probably make u go WTF? lol..enjoy

number 1:
Two mosquitoes were riding on their bikes, in super fast speed wen suddenly one of them stopped. as soon as the other mosquito noticed, it stopped too, and asked, "hey y did u stop?"

the other mosquito replied, "sorry, a fly went into my eye"

number 2:
a father comes into the doctor's office with his son

Father: doc, my son has a pen stuck up his nose, what shud i do?
Doc: use a pencil.

number 3:
a dumb ass who's stuck in prison finally has the chance to escape, by jumpin over 100 fences, so he started by jumping the 1st fence, the 2nd until the 99th. tat's wen he said "oh i'm so fed up, think i'll juz go back"

number 4:
10 black men r dying of thirst, wen they finally find a bottle in the dessert. once they open the bottle, it released a genie.
so bein grateful for being released, the genie granted one wish to each of them. so the 1st guy wished tat he was white, so did the 2nd n 3rd n so on, until the last guy, where he wished the genie wud turn all of them back to black...

These r sum situations tat u cud possibly hv experienced in ur daily lives... well not really but y not? afterall it is in fact rubbish :D

Situation 1:
Two young gentlemen r hving a conversation in the subway train below city ground level;

GUY1: Dei macha, ur phone got coverage ah?
GUY2: Yea...y dei?
GUY1: Haiyoo, my phone got no coverage laaaaa...
GUY2: Which network u using?
GUY1: celcom laaa... widest coverage my foot!
GUY2: machaa...don curse them, they r rite.
GUY1: huh?
GUY2: yea wat, widest coverage but not deepest coverage rite?

Situation 2:
A my fren of mine from overseas came down to spend his holidays in this country. well it is his 1st time, so many things tat happen here r really new to him. So there's this time when we passed by a sun newspaper stand, ppl tat juz walked on by, kept grabbing a copy. so he asked me\

Fren: y arent they paying for the papers they took?
Me: well it's free man...so y not

so yes. juz wen i tot i had tat doubt cleared sumtin else happened. the next day we passed by the same exact stand, no newspaper copies but there was a (HOT)white lady tourist tat was sitting on the stand, obviously cuz there were no seats n she din wanna sit on the floor. wen my fren saw her, he asked;

Fren: hey can i take her? afterall, like u said, it's free?
Me:.....

Situation 3:
2 frens discuss abt another fren's smokin habit;

Fren1: dei i think ah, i noe wat to get u for ur bday gift la.
Fren2: wat la macha?
Fren1: lighter laa...hv u seen urself smoke? ur a freaking chimney la!
Fren2: hahah! dei...give me anything tat can start a fire oso i'll happy la, anything to lite up a ciggerrate man.
Fren1: dei if i give two stones oso u'll b happy la!

Situation 4:
Advice on looking young always; Smoke; well yea smoking makes u look young, cuz u die young from the impacts. hehe.

Situation 5:
two frens hving a conversation abt their past rships;

Macha1: dei after hvin been tru a lot in rships, the best is to b single laaa
Macha2: hmm..ok la dei, but how many rships hv u been in anyways?
Macha1: how many ah? dei...lost count edi la deiii..
Macha2: hahah...lost count or u din learn the number ZERO in kindergarten? hehehe!

Situations 6:
3 guys hv juz started their holidays, n here they r plannin it out;

GUY1: dei now tat it's our holidays, let's call out sum chicks la dei. wat say u?
GUY2: yea man!
GUY3: dei, as it is on normal days we cant get girls, as tho holidays we gonna get laa...

if u can relate, gud for u...but if u cant, ur probably juz lying to urself ;)